You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
