I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
