Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
