Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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