Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
