She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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