I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
