Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
