you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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