Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
