Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
