So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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