there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dick very happy bro
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
