Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
