Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
