this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
