Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
