Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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