SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
