I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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