First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
