Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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