dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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