Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
