stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
