Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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