Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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