my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
