dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
