he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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