I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
