we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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