I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
foreskin is a definite game changer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just high enough for therapy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
