Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
