So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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