This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
