you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
