Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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