she woke up with a sticky ear
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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