Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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