i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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