i will never coherently bang her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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