Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
