Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
