So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
