At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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