Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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