Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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