This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening