She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT