Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ladies don't puke and tell