Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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  (650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low. http://tfl.nu/on4s
  Replies (13) Good night (1313) Bad night (3372)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?

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  (630): I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward? http://tfl.nu/ncf8
  Replies (36) Good night (767) Bad night (2962)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Quoting wale wont save you from herpes

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  (703): Quoting wale wont save you from herpes http://tfl.nu/v00t
  Replies (29) Good night (765) Bad night (2744)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?

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  (740): he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine? http://tfl.nu/es01
  Replies (42) Good night (1342) Bad night (4174)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

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  (269): i think the cat found all the blow we lost... http://tfl.nu/uqm6
  Replies (31) Good night (1569) Bad night (5746)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

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  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1527) Bad night (7544)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

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  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
  Replies (22) Good night (7127) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I saved lives by not driving this morning

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  (904): way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy... (1-904): I saved lives by not driving this morning http://tfl.nu/no2s
  Replies (9) Good night (8134) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

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  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (5235) Bad night (1365)
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  (365): View more from

  As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.

  (1-365): View more from

  I was judging you.

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  (365): As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over. (1-365): I was judging you. http://tfl.nu/3tin
  Replies (3) Good night (3258) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.

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  (414): wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me. http://tfl.nu/3pdz
  Replies (0) Good night (851) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.

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  (612): I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises. http://tfl.nu/ns4w
  Replies (2) Good night (543) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.

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  (989): Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert. http://tfl.nu/zbuo
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time

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  (616): Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time http://tfl.nu/1l71
  Replies (5) Good night (905) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?

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  (859): My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right? http://tfl.nu/r03q
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (184)

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