Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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