The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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