Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are the jesus of drinking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
