Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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