i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
