Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
