It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
