Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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