ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
