I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
