I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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