I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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