I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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