Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
