She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
