just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
