You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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