Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
