His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
