You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
