I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize