I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
