He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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