Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
