don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
