Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
