I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
