dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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