This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize